By: Arpana P Sharma, Psychologist, Trainer, Educational/Business Consultant
Tantrums are a natural part of childhood, whether they come from a toddler learning emotions, a school-age child seeking independence, or a pre-teen struggling with big feelings. Understanding tantrums and responding calmly can help children learn emotional regulation and communication skills that will benefit them for life.
✔ Why Tantrums Happen
Children of all ages may have meltdowns due to:
- Overwhelming emotions
- Limited vocabulary to express themselves
- Hunger, tiredness, or overstimulation
- Desire for independence
- Frustration or unexpected changes in routine
- Seeking attention or testing boundaries
Recognizing the reason behind the tantrum helps parents respond better.
✔ Stay Calm and Model the Behavior
One of the most powerful tools in parenting is your calmness.
Children mirror adult behavior, so staying composed teaches them how to manage stress.
- Speak softly
- Avoid reacting emotionally
- Give space if needed
A calm parent makes it easier for a child to settle.
✔ Validate Their Feelings
Children feel safe when they feel understood.
Simple statements can prevent escalation:
- “I see you’re upset.”
- “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hurt or shout.”
This builds trust and emotional awareness.
✔ Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
Consistency reduces confusion.
Make rules simple and age-appropriate:
- “We speak respectfully.”
- “We follow routines.”
- “We handle things gently.”
Consistency creates stability and reduces emotional outbursts.
✔ Offer Limited Choices
Children feel empowered when they can make small decisions.
Instead of open-ended questions, try:
- “Do you want to do homework now or in ten minutes?”
- “Red t-shirt or blue one?”
This helps them feel in control while avoiding power struggles.
✔ Create a Calm-Down Space
A designated calm zone teaches children how to reset themselves.
Include:
- A soft toy
- Books
- Coloring sheets
- A calm-down bottle or stress ball
This is not punishment—it’s a tool for emotional regulation.
✔ Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Don’t wait for tantrums—teach these during calm moments:
- Deep breathing
- Counting techniques
- Physical grounding exercises
- Naming emotions
- Journaling for older kids
Children gradually learn to manage feelings independently.
✔ Praise Positive Behavior
Positive reinforcement works wonders.
Catch your child behaving well and acknowledge it immediately:
- “Great job calming down!”
- “I’m proud of how you used your words.”
Positive praise builds confidence and reduces future tantrums.
✔ Prepare for Transitions
Many tantrums start during transitions (play to study, bedtime, leaving home).
Use:
- Timers
- Routine charts
- Verbal warnings (“5 minutes left…”)
Predictability gives children a sense of control.
✔ Don’t Give In During Tantrums
Giving in reinforces the behavior.
Stay firm and gentle:
- “I understand you’re upset, but the rule stays.”
Children learn that crying or shouting will not change boundaries.
✔ Talk After the Tantrum
Once the child calms:
- Discuss what happened
- Share better alternatives
- Keep the conversation short and constructive
This helps them reflect and learn.
✔ When to Seek Help
Seek professional support if tantrums:
- Occur very frequently
- Last more than 20 minutes
- Include aggression or self-harm
- Affect school or social life
Early guidance can make a big difference.
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